(Project Brain Wave) Six years ago I suffered a concussion while playing basketball, and have been dealing with post-concussive symptoms ever since. As all athletes who have sustained concussions know, as well as their families, it is a terrifying journey. In 2005, when I first got hit and was in agonizing pain, many people said to me “there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.” I hoped and I prayed that they were right. As other outsiders preached the same thing throughout the second year of my exhausting adventure, my depression told them I was not in the mood to hear it—but maybe, just maybe, it’s almost over. After the third year, if you were the individual to tell me that there was a “light at the end of the tunnel,” it was not a good thing for you… Let’s just say that it was in their favor that I was not a violent person, because I would have loved to shove that “light” where the sun doesn’t shine…
At age seventeen, I was taken out of high school and was told I would never be allowed to play basketball again. At age eighteen, I was ripped out of college because my migraines took over my life, and at nineteen, I wanted to end my life.
I am now twenty-three-years old, and I make it my goal in life to raise awareness about the severity of concussions, as I want to help those who have suffered and who are now suffering from the lasting effects. Six years ago I only had the support of my family, and I believe that there needs to be more than just that. I had very few friends, but their lives went on and left me behind. Other than my family, I had no one—no one to talk to, no one who could understand the pain I was in, and no one to help me.
It was very hard to understand how something so horrible could happen to someone like me. I would never want anyone in this world to suffer the pain I have gone through, but I could not comprehend why God, or why the world, had it out for me.
I was trying so hard to succeed and get an athletic scholarship, and it was taken away from me. I was the normal junior in high school who hung out with her friends and lived the typical kind of life your ordinary teenager would live, and that was ripped away from me too.
Why me?
I asked that question for four years, and with the help of my family and counseling, I realized it was time to wake up and be strong, and become the person I used to be—only better.
After you suffer from chronic pain for so long, it is very easy to give up, and I wanted to many times. But every day I woke up, I realized how lucky I was to have such an amazing family with a roof over my head. I was blessed that I had the ability to take long walks, breathe fresh air, and drive my car on the good days I had. “Normal” people won’t understand, but when you go through something so tragic, you learn to appreciate everything in life. I had to find the positives, because once I dwelled on the negatives, I spiraled right back downhill into depression, and it was a struggle to get back out.
Many things have changed in my life and it’s been a very hard adjustment. I have lost friends, but gained new friends who became family. I have to watch everything I do because my migraines can be easily triggered by a simple jolt. But it’s my life, and after six years I have grown to become used to it. I am a much stronger person because of everything I have been through.
If you have suffered from a concussion and are still having problems with post-concussive syndrome, I want you to know that it will not be an easy road. I am not going to sugar coat anything, because many people have given me false hope in the past and I think that is the worst thing. You have to be strong enough to get through it, and when you do, you will be so proud of yourself. You will be a strong, motivated individual and once you find your health and happiness, nothing will stop you. Not many people will understand what you are going through or what you have gone through unless they have suffered something themselves. You might have to deal with your peers judging you and calling you fake because they are ignorant. They cannot see the pain you are in. I wish I could tell you it’s not going to hurt, but it will. When you are in pain and an outsider has the audacity to judge you, they are not worth your time. Take it from me, I wasted a good three to four years worrying about what people thought of me and it only made me more depressed. You need to fight to get better and that is it. It is hard to hear but school, a career, and anything else can wait, there is a whole lifetime for that. You need to focus on yourself and getting better.
Once you learn to become oblivious to the ignorance of others and you focus on yourself, life will get better. I have the right to say that because I have been there. I am not an outsider looking in trying to make you feel better. I have learned that I don’t have to follow the blueprint that is forced on us in society. It’s the norm to graduate high school, go to college, get a job, and start a family… Well, someone wanted me to take a detour and make my own blueprint in life, and it’s okay to mix things up a bit. If you want to feel better you need to make it happen, think of the positives in your life and you will slowly start to see that light.
TRACY YATSKO
Education Advocate, Project Brain Wave
I suffered a concussion in February. I have been dealing with Post-Concussion since. I wasn’t able to work out for 2 1/2 months, and even with going on a fairly slow walk yesterday, I was having headaches all night. I’m getting fed up. I’ve dealt with knee injuries and was trying to get back to working out after that… then this happened. I have an internship in baseball this summer, and I don’t want to use this as an “excuse” for not being able to do things.
Is there any way to know how long the Post-Concussion could last? Is there something that determines that?
I’m getting really frustrated…
(on Twitter: catch108stchs)
Kiley,
Thanks for the comment, and I’m sorry to hear that you have been dealing for post-concussion syndrome for that period of time. Trust me, I myself have been in that position, and have gotten to the point where I have felt that I could battle my own brain, but the truth is, you can’t. Physical and cognitive stress will only prolong your symptoms, as your best prescription will be rest and your best friend will be time. Post-concussion syndrome is different for everyone, as is every case, so the biggest thing in tracking the course of your recovery is being patient and understanding that it is, essentially, out of your hands until your body allows yourself to feel ‘normal’ again. I definitely would recommend consulting a medical professional for further assistance on this issue if it continues to persist.
Hey Kiley!
I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this…I’m definitely not a doctor, but I can speak from experience… you need TIME to heal. I was never given a time frame which is the most frustrating thing to hear when you want to move on with your life. What I have learned is that when I tried to push and push and go to school, and try to do the normal things in life, it only made me more sick and took me ten steps back. That’s why I say in my story it’s sooo important for you to take care of yourself first. life can wait. You shouldn’t have to stress about using this as an “excuse”…it’s not an excuse. it’s what you’re dealing with. If people can’t accept it, they shouldn’t be in your life. Was this at all helpful?
Tracy Yatsko
See, Dustin, this is one thing that definitely makes this site special! You and I could post all day long about concussions and knowing what we know, could write for a long time. But this post, and these comments especially, are what make this even more special. Two who have lived it or are living it able to jump in and share their personal experience..
Agreed Hopper!
Kiley,
Two of the best resources in dealing with concussions are John and Tracy, they are young, vibrant, full of life, and dreams and have dealt with concussions intimately. You can (and should) seek medical advice from a MD/DO/PsyD/PhD with extensive experience, HOWEVER they WILL NOT be as helpful as those two.
It is extremely difficult to hear “rest” especially when you have “things” to do and “places” to be. As much as it pains you, now is time to take inventory about what is absolutely necessary for you to do what you do and trim the “excess” so that you CAN and WILL perform well in your internship.
We here at TCB/PBW are with you and behind you 100%!!!
Tracy…You are amazing and I thank you for sharing your “road”…for as long as I’ve known you I’ve “heard” what happened but to read this and put it all together inspires me! YOU ROCK!!!
Tracy as I have said your a warrior and a star in the battle we are all waging. This was a great piece and I loved the heart felt no BS approach. There is way to much sugar coating going around. You know that better then anyone. I look forward to future articles and our continued work together!
Way to go!
Dirk
Thank you all for the comments!
I’ve seen that stress can trigger the symptoms again, which is probably my problem. Not only do I have this internship, but I’m moving away from home for the first time in less than a month, and I’m also a senior in college. I’m trying to keep myself as “un-stressed” as possible, and it seems to have just jumped me lately.
Should I continue the slow walks? Usually just walking doesn’t bother me (stairs are still kind of an issue), but for some reason the other day, my head really wanted to fight me.
I don’t know anyone else who’s had a concussion, so I don’t really have anyone I can ask if things are “normal”.
Thanks again!
Thank you Tracy, and to all who comment here. I slipped on ice in a snowstorm in Virginia in late December, hitting the back of my head on the asphalt and suffering a concussion and three-hour “daze”–chatting, asking the same confused questions, and having no memory of it. The MRI showed slight bleeding. I rested, the headaches went away, then a few weeks ago in early April headaches developed on my face and the top of my head. Then, two weeks ago, loud ringing started in my ears.
I am 62, just retired, and still feel very healthy. But know what is happening. And I so greatly appreciate your guidance and understanding. I will seek medical assistance next week, then do my best to hang in there.
Most important, know I am sending good thoughts of care and appreciation to all of you. We are all sharing a most challenging path; I so greatly appreciate your kindness and wisdom.
Thank you for sharing your story! It’s really good to know that there are people out there who understand and have been experiencing the same struggles that I am going through. I am currently going through the motions of post concussion syndrome. I was also suffering from benign peroxysmal vertigo but as of the last two weeks i have not suffered from it, thanks to my physio. I have a great support network, but finding as you say the concerns of what other people think add to my stress, as I know people will be ignorant to it, i suppose i was, i never thought 2 months in i would be like this, concussion is misconceived, percieved as something that is shaken off and you can carry on like normal. This is my 9th week and as you’ve had, i have my good and bad days, today I am having a bad day. The unfortunate matter is I am currently on a year working away from home, so i don’t have my family around me, but my support team who are assisting in my rehabilitation are helping and friends who understand. I am not able to work, or do what i came out here to do, but its encoraging to know that I am not the only person in the world struggling, so thank you for your story, I will keep positive and just know its a time of my life that will improve and will be something i will learn and become a stronger individual from; an experience that only the ‘sufferers’ will ever understand.